Post by Adrian Hollows on Dec 24, 2007 13:33:44 GMT -5
Welcome to Hogwarts Family. I'm really sorry it took so long to get to your application but myself, Solitaire and Dana have all been busy. Real life, hmph. 
Your bio is great, but there's just some changes that I'd appreciate you making before I can approve you, I'm afraid.
I know that sometimes people don't know whether they're half blood, pure blood or muggle born, but I'd like you to decide but make note that Nery himself doesn't know and explain why at some point in the biography. Example: Halfblood (Unknown to Nery).
Why does Nery have a burn and the scar? Was it an accident during childhood, an operation of some kind perhaps? If it was an operation, do keep in mind that surgery rarely leaves large, noticable scars due to advances in medical technology.
Lastly, we do prefer bio's to be done in paragraphs as opposed to the numbers you've used. It looks better and it does help you to include more details because you can clearly see how much you have written and what more needs to be said.
If you're lacking inspiration on what to include in your bio, you can always skim the bio's of approved characters, but please do not take any idea's from them. Alternatively, you could follow a template that has always helped me when I can't decide on certain details:
Name: Nery Halfor
House: Gryffindor
Blood: unknown ((could be either half or muggle born))
Age:12
Year:1st
Wand: willow , with phoenix feather core, 11 inches
Appearance ( a description of what your character looks like.):Nery is about 5’5”, his weight about 110. He has a slightly athletic in build, and has a natural mix of short, curly brown and blond hair, and is very thick, normally found in huge bunches on his head. He also has hazel eyes. He has a burn mark on his left hand and a large scar going from left to right diagonally along his chest
Biography (Include information about the characters history, family, personality and hobbies):
2. Nery has not always had the best family life. His father had left long before he had been born, and had been brought up with his 3 older sisters. His mother had never really cared about him at all and he had known almost nothing about what it was like to feel loved before he got his letter.
3. His 3 sisters, Rose, Mary, and Kelly, or really step sisters, are all very stuck up people, and love to live the high life. His sisters have almost no idea that Nery is a wizard though.
4. His mother does know though, and tries to push it all under whenever he does come home.
5. Nery is very secluded at times. But when people are around he is the life of any party. Its not that he changes, its just he likes to hang with friends. A very nice and caring person normally, and doesn’t have much of a temper.
6. His hobbies include swimming, reading, and writing.
7. he has only one friend outside of Hogwarts and receives letters from her often
Your bio is great, but there's just some changes that I'd appreciate you making before I can approve you, I'm afraid.
I know that sometimes people don't know whether they're half blood, pure blood or muggle born, but I'd like you to decide but make note that Nery himself doesn't know and explain why at some point in the biography. Example: Halfblood (Unknown to Nery).
Why does Nery have a burn and the scar? Was it an accident during childhood, an operation of some kind perhaps? If it was an operation, do keep in mind that surgery rarely leaves large, noticable scars due to advances in medical technology.
Lastly, we do prefer bio's to be done in paragraphs as opposed to the numbers you've used. It looks better and it does help you to include more details because you can clearly see how much you have written and what more needs to be said.
If you're lacking inspiration on what to include in your bio, you can always skim the bio's of approved characters, but please do not take any idea's from them. Alternatively, you could follow a template that has always helped me when I can't decide on certain details:
- Does the character know about magic?
- If not, why not? Parents are muggleborn, or they want to keep it a secret?
- What is his/her personality like?
- Does he/she have a particular hobby? Reading, drawing, acting, singing? Is he/she good at it?
- Does he/she have a quick temper or is he/she more likely to ignore insults?
Name: Nery Halfor
House: Gryffindor
Blood: unknown ((could be either half or muggle born))
Age:12
Year:1st
Wand: willow , with phoenix feather core, 11 inches
Appearance ( a description of what your character looks like.):Nery is about 5’5”, his weight about 110. He has a slightly athletic in build, and has a natural mix of short, curly brown and blond hair, and is very thick, normally found in huge bunches on his head. He also has hazel eyes. He has a burn mark on his left hand and a large scar going from left to right diagonally along his chest
Biography (Include information about the characters history, family, personality and hobbies):
2. Nery has not always had the best family life. His father had left long before he had been born, and had been brought up with his 3 older sisters. His mother had never really cared about him at all and he had known almost nothing about what it was like to feel loved before he got his letter.
3. His 3 sisters, Rose, Mary, and Kelly, or really step sisters, are all very stuck up people, and love to live the high life. His sisters have almost no idea that Nery is a wizard though.
4. His mother does know though, and tries to push it all under whenever he does come home.
5. Nery is very secluded at times. But when people are around he is the life of any party. Its not that he changes, its just he likes to hang with friends. A very nice and caring person normally, and doesn’t have much of a temper.
6. His hobbies include swimming, reading, and writing.
7. he has only one friend outside of Hogwarts and receives letters from her often
