Post by Solitaire Keighley on Nov 20, 2007 12:51:37 GMT -5
Hello Jacob, and Welcome to Hogwarts Family. While your character biography is wonderful, there are a few things that need to be changed before we can approve it. I will point out the few things and give examples of how to change it. Feel free to use my suggestions if you want, but they are only suggestions.
Changes:
"Jacob is the normal height for that of a sixteen year old, and incredibly muscular"
Jake is only 11, so while it's alright for him to be the height of the average sixteen year old, his height description should mention something like, "Jacob is the normal height for that of a sixteen year old and incredibly muscular. This makes him a bit tall for his age.
"He lives in London with his dad at the moment who he never really sees, as he spends all his time completing task’s for YOU KNOW WHO when ever Jacobs back from Hogwarts now that voldemort has been reborn but when Jacob is at Hogwarts he spend his time at the mystery of magic having meeting with Minster about the well fair of the wizarding community and the protection they should put in place is voldemort is back as he works for the department of magical law."
This whole paragraph needs to be changed up some. Here at Hogwarts Family, the Dark Lord has already been killed. While Jake's father is welcome to have been a past co-conspirator with the Death Eaters and such, that making him wealthy, it wouldn't be best to say that he is still doing deeds for the Dark Lord. Who knows, maybe things will change, as Everyone once thought that the Dark Lord was dead before. But for the moment, he's dead.
Make these few simple changes, put the changed (revised) bio here as a reply and I'm sure it will take no time to get you approved so that you can start role-playing.
Name: Jacob Firvin
House: Slytherin
Blood: Pure (Of course)
Age:11
Year:1st
Wand: oak 11 inches 1 phoenix feat
Appearance (a description of what your character looks like.):
Jacob is the normal height for that of a sixteen year old, and incredibly muscular. He has jet-black hair that feel onto his face, making him look like he never got haircut. Jacob never once denied that he was good looking, in fact, he often boasted about it to anyone who will listen.
Jacob normal wears whatever he wants but mostly comfortable clothing, jogging bottom, combats and plan t-shirts, although Jacob would usually like to rebel, but during school he conforms and wears the correct uniform.
Biography (Include information about the characters history, family, personality and hobbies):
Jake is an only child and is definitely spoiled. His family have become wealthy through his father's job as a Death Eater (well known for working alongside the Dark Lord) Jake's mother died when he was born but before she died she worked in flourish and blots down diagon ally.
His mother and father meet at Hogwarts while his dad was in Slytherin but his mother was in Ravenclaw. Jacob had always been blamed for his mother’s death, and began takes his anger out on others. His Hobbies include dueling, quidditch and annoying people he is also interested in the dark arts, reading and quidditch and also girls.
He lives in London with his dad at the moment who he never really sees, as he spends all his time completing task’s for YOU KNOW WHO when ever Jacobs back from Hogwarts now that voldemort has been reborn but when Jacob is at Hogwarts he spend his time at the mystery of magic having meeting with Minster about the well fair of the wizarding community and the protection they should put in place is voldemort is back as he works for the department of magical law.
Like true Slytherin, Jake has a tough and very big reputation to keep. He doesn't get along, with many people, and it takes his time, time to make friends. This is mainly to do with the fact that Jacobs personality varies depending on the people he is with.
To be honest, Jacob could be, compared to an Ogre. Like them he has many layers, to his personally; first you have his, tough and bitter exterior, but as you begin, to strip away, the layers, you begin to see his real personality, a caring and hopeless romantic, although this is something some people never get to see.
Likes:
Dark Arts, Qudditch, girls, annoying people, getting his own way
Dislikes:
Mud bloods, The Order, rules, punctuation, being told he can’t have something
Changes:
"Jacob is the normal height for that of a sixteen year old, and incredibly muscular"
Jake is only 11, so while it's alright for him to be the height of the average sixteen year old, his height description should mention something like, "Jacob is the normal height for that of a sixteen year old and incredibly muscular. This makes him a bit tall for his age.
"He lives in London with his dad at the moment who he never really sees, as he spends all his time completing task’s for YOU KNOW WHO when ever Jacobs back from Hogwarts now that voldemort has been reborn but when Jacob is at Hogwarts he spend his time at the mystery of magic having meeting with Minster about the well fair of the wizarding community and the protection they should put in place is voldemort is back as he works for the department of magical law."
This whole paragraph needs to be changed up some. Here at Hogwarts Family, the Dark Lord has already been killed. While Jake's father is welcome to have been a past co-conspirator with the Death Eaters and such, that making him wealthy, it wouldn't be best to say that he is still doing deeds for the Dark Lord. Who knows, maybe things will change, as Everyone once thought that the Dark Lord was dead before. But for the moment, he's dead.
Make these few simple changes, put the changed (revised) bio here as a reply and I'm sure it will take no time to get you approved so that you can start role-playing.
Name: Jacob Firvin
House: Slytherin
Blood: Pure (Of course)
Age:11
Year:1st
Wand: oak 11 inches 1 phoenix feat
Appearance (a description of what your character looks like.):
Jacob is the normal height for that of a sixteen year old, and incredibly muscular. He has jet-black hair that feel onto his face, making him look like he never got haircut. Jacob never once denied that he was good looking, in fact, he often boasted about it to anyone who will listen.
Jacob normal wears whatever he wants but mostly comfortable clothing, jogging bottom, combats and plan t-shirts, although Jacob would usually like to rebel, but during school he conforms and wears the correct uniform.
Biography (Include information about the characters history, family, personality and hobbies):
Jake is an only child and is definitely spoiled. His family have become wealthy through his father's job as a Death Eater (well known for working alongside the Dark Lord) Jake's mother died when he was born but before she died she worked in flourish and blots down diagon ally.
His mother and father meet at Hogwarts while his dad was in Slytherin but his mother was in Ravenclaw. Jacob had always been blamed for his mother’s death, and began takes his anger out on others. His Hobbies include dueling, quidditch and annoying people he is also interested in the dark arts, reading and quidditch and also girls.
He lives in London with his dad at the moment who he never really sees, as he spends all his time completing task’s for YOU KNOW WHO when ever Jacobs back from Hogwarts now that voldemort has been reborn but when Jacob is at Hogwarts he spend his time at the mystery of magic having meeting with Minster about the well fair of the wizarding community and the protection they should put in place is voldemort is back as he works for the department of magical law.
Like true Slytherin, Jake has a tough and very big reputation to keep. He doesn't get along, with many people, and it takes his time, time to make friends. This is mainly to do with the fact that Jacobs personality varies depending on the people he is with.
To be honest, Jacob could be, compared to an Ogre. Like them he has many layers, to his personally; first you have his, tough and bitter exterior, but as you begin, to strip away, the layers, you begin to see his real personality, a caring and hopeless romantic, although this is something some people never get to see.
Likes:
Dark Arts, Qudditch, girls, annoying people, getting his own way
Dislikes:
Mud bloods, The Order, rules, punctuation, being told he can’t have something